Erotic Jokes

☻3 GOOD MANNERS

3 good manners of male penis. 1)Courteous-it stands before performing. 2)Emotional-it cries during the performance. 3)Polite-it bows down after the performance.

 

☻MISTAKES

Learn from your parents' mistakes - Use birth control!

 

☻ PICTURE

Man says to his wife: Let me take a picture of your breasts, than I can always look at them. Wife: Let me take a picture of you penis, I will have it enlarged.

 

☻MAN

Today, in style are small cars, watches, skirts and mobile-phones... It will come the time when SMALL PENIS will be in style, and then you will be the man!!!

☻ COCUNUT

What’s hairy on the outside and moist inside, begins with a 'C' ends with a 'T' and has U' and 'N' in the middle? Answer: 'COCUNUT'

 

☻ SHOWTIME

Wat's the diff between pulling a curtain and a panty? ANS: When U pull a curtain, it means tat the show is over. But pulling down a panty means IT'S SHOWTIME!

☻LEFT LEG, RIGHT LEG

What did the blonde's left leg say to her right leg? Between the two of us, we can make a lot of money.

 

☻SEX MACHINE

When im dead and in my grave, no more pussy i will crave. And upon my headstone will be seen, here lies the bones of a f**king machine.

 

☻ SEX ON TEXT

Press down... down more... Ok more... YES ahh ohh yes... almost there... yeah oh shit harder... SO GOOD...! mmmmm... That's how I sex on text!

 

☻ CARS

Man1: my wife is obsess w/ cars. While asleep, she holds my bird & say 'Ferari,Porsche...'  Man2: mine is worst, she puts my bird inside her & say 'Full Tank pls.'

 

☻ DEPRESSED

A girl asked, why cow seems depressed when being milked? Teacher: if every morning they rub yours 4 30 minutes and don't f**k u, u will feel the same?

 

☻ BAR STOOL

How do you keep 4 blondes entertained in a bar? Turn the bar stool upside down.

 

☻VIAGRA

CUSTOMER NOTIFICATION. As of May 2001 Viagra will only be available through chemists by its chemical name.So please ask for MYCOXAFLOPPIN. Thank you

 

☻ WE CAN MULTIPLY

Do you like maths, if so add a bed, subtract ur clothes, divide your legs and we can multiply!

 

☻ SNOW WHITE

*NEWSFLASH* Snow white had been chucked out of Disney Land. She was reported 2 hav pulled up her skirt, sat on Pinnochio's face and shouted, 'LIE BASTARD LIE'

 

☻ GLOW IN THE DARK

I really, deeply wish tat u r here wif me in my room, on my bed & lights is off & we get under the cover together.. 2 show u my.. new watch tat glow in the dark

 

☻ PENIS & BALLS

Penis & Balls arguing. Balls: Hey, U r very unfair! Everytime u go in u never bring us along, only u enjoy! Penis: Eh, U think its fun? I always keep vomiting!

 

☻ STUPID PYJAMAS

Last night I desperately missed you I wanted to feel u on my naked body. I had to go to bed without you....where are u stupid pyjamas.....!

 

☻BRUSH MY TEETH

I love the way it rubs against the soft pink flesh.. and creates a creamy foamy liquid as it thrusts in and out, up and down... Can’t wait to brush my teeth

 

☻ RING

I wish I were a ring Upon my girlfriend's hand, 'Cause everytime she'd wipe her rear I'd see the promised land....

 

☻ DUMB

What is the dumbest part on a man's body? The penis. It has a head with no brain, it hangs out with two nuts and it lives around the corner from an asshole!

 

☻ SAGGY BOOB

What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? If we don't get some support people are going to think we're nuts!

 

☻ BLOW JOB

What did the hurricane say to the palm tree? Hold on to your nuts. This is no ordinary blow job!

 

☻ COVER ME

What did the Dick say to the Condom? 'Cover me!!! I'm going in...'

☻ TITS DAIRY

I'd willingly fertilize Mary, And watch for 9 months her shape vary, From the very first day, To the child-birth display, When her tits would turn into a dairy.

 

☻Suspense	how do you keep an idiot in suspense ??? ............. ............ ...tell you later !!!
☻Statistics	At this moment 5 million are having sex 2 million are in gun fights 91milliom at a party and one sad fucker is reading this SMS
☻Farmer Joneshas	farmer Joneshas got no sheep, isn't life a drag? coz they're all burning in a field he's got no sheep to shag
☻Gary Gliter	*Newsflash* The FA have just announced garly gliter the next England Coach. The appontment collapsed after he tried to put seaman in the under 15's
☻Ba Ba White Sheep	ba ba white sheep grazing on sum grass when a maff official shoots it up the ass burnt by mornin fumes fill the sky less meat 4 kebabs & shepherds pie
☻Leather Heather	there was a young girl called heather,whos cunt lips were made of leather they made a strange noise that attracted the boys by flapping the edges together
☻Little Miss Drugy	little miss drugy sat in a buggy smoking a pipe of weed along came a spider skinned up beside her and sold her some acid and speed.
☻Jack and Jill	Jack & Jill went 2 the dairy, Jack popped out his big'n airy, Jill said "WOW WOT A WHOPPER let's go home & DO IT PROPER
☻IRA	what do you do if a irish man through's a pin at you ... ... you run cause he's got a grenade in his mouth
☻Dear Mammy love annie	There was a young girl from Wick, who asked her mum what's a prick, her mother said Annie it goes up your fanny and jumps up and down till it's sick.
☻Cock Sucker Detecotor	This is a cock sucker detector Please blow in the phone..... .. scanning.... The test was positive 90percent sperm breath... COCK SUCKER !!
☻Pink Vagina	Dad, what does a vagina look like before sex? A pink rose with loveley details. And after sex? Boy, ever seen a bulldog eating maiyonnaise?
☻Red Riding Hood	Bad wolf told red riding hood. Lift your top so i can suck your tits. No she said lifting her skirt. Eat me like the fucking book says!
☻Fuck for money	sex is good sex is funny many people fuck for money but if you think sex is funny fuck yourself and safe your money